Whew! What a crazy four months it has been over here in the Harwit Home. Welcoming baby boy into our family has been the greatest gift, but it has also brought upon new challenges for me.
Having two babies is so different than just having one. (I guess I need to start rephrasing that with “children” because Arabella is officially not a baby anymore). With Arabella, she was the center of our lives and absolutely everything revolved around her. She had attention 100% of the time. When I found out we were having another baby, I started to feel guilty that I would be taking away from Arabella.
Confession #1. Since having Baby Josh, I feel the most guilt for him. Arabella has adapted better than I had even prayer for, and I am so grateful for that. She’s an awesome big sister, and loves on him all day long. BUT, she obviously still isn’t completely independent at only two years old and I have recognized that I have to put LJ down a lot more than I would like to. Sometimes I feel sad because I feel like he doesn’t get as much attention as Arabella did. As moms we want to be the very best for our kids and it can be really hard when we feel like we are falling short. Since having two kids, I feel like I struggle with this part the very most.
Side Note: I have found that baby wearing can be a good way to keep that bond with your little one and still keep up with your older child.
I love this handmade sling made by the sweetest mama over at Aloha & Light. I would also recommend the Lalabu Baby Soothe Shirt. This is an awesome baby wearing tank that I used when LJ was born and it holds infants up to 14 lbs. I also just bought the LILLIEBaby All Seasons carrier & so far I am loving it.
Confession #2: I took a lot better care of myself during my first pregnancy/post-pregnancy. I find myself missing my prenatals here and there simply because I have a million things I’m trying to balance between both kids. I remember drinking so much water when I was breastfeeding Arabella and looking up all the best foods to eat. Now, I’m lucky to simply make sure I eat three times a day. Again, I find myself feeling so guilty! Luckily, my production is pretty good and I am able to breastfeed exclusively. In fact, I have enough pumped milk saved to leave LJ with my mom for a few hours. The other night, we went out to a movie for date night and I was excited to have a stress-free time out with just the hubby. Instead, LJ cried for two hours straight. My poor mom! No matter what she did, LJ would not once give in to the bottle. It had been so long since I had given him a bottle, he just would not take it. Literally, he will only eat on my breast. I have all this milk saved up in the freezer and now I don’t know if it’ll ever get used. Not to mention now I can’t leave the baby at all for more than an hour at a time. Talk about feeling defeated.
Confession #3: I hate how sleep-deprived I am. Again, I am trying so hard to adjust but never getting sleep sucks! Sometimes LJ will sleep through the night a couple nights in a row and I wake up feeling like a human. Then there are nights he’ll be up every hour. It especially sucks when I have a night like the other night when Arabella woke me up to go potty and didn’t make it in time – so I got peed all over and then a couple hours later, I’m up breastfeeding LJ, and his diaper leaks and I get peed all over again. Seriously? I guess that’s mom life for ya. Nights like that, I wake up and think, “I’m a zombie. Like really I feel dead inside”. Then there’s coffee and I feel like I’ll survive another day.
There are times when I get to the point when I think to myself, am I trying to do too much that doesn’t matter and not enough that actually does? Should I clean my house less so I can take the kids to the park more? Etc. I feel like I’m in a constant battle with myself, but no matter what, I do know that I am so blessed to be their mom. I know that I am so lucky I get to stay home and be the one to raise them full time. I feel guilty for even complaining about anything at all because I know there are moms who would kill to stay home with their kids. Either way, whether you’re a stay at home mom or a working mom, we all go through similar things and sometimes we just need to vent (& drink some wine)! 😉 RIGHT?!